Category Archives: random

Things I Actually Believed When I Was a Little Kid

1.) Chasing lights actually moved. It blew my mind when I realized that it was an illusion. Fact: I was like 15 when I finally realized this.

2.) There was somebody somewhere who could read my mind and control me with a remote control. This belief came about because four-year-old-me could not figure out how, say, my arm moved when I wanted it to, or how I could walk. It all seemed really magical, but because I figured magic wasn’t real I decided that the next best answer was that there was somebody somewhere who figured out what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it and controlled me like a remote control car.

3.) The clock would only move its hour hand when I wasn’t looking, just to spite me. I 100% BELIEVED THIS. I used to go sit in front of the clock for five minutes and not take my eyes off of that hour hand. I KNEW I COULD CATCH IT MOVING. But then I would get bored and leave and when I came back an hour later IT HAD MOVED AND I KNEW IT DID THIS ON PURPOSE.

4.) There was a toilet monster who was going to shut the toilet seat on me while I was sitting on it and make me fall in and get flushed.

5.) The vacuum wanted to eat me and all of my toys.

6.) Wishing upon a star worked and that was how I was going to turn into a gerbil. I thought about this really hard one night when I was about… six, weighed the pros and cons (Cons: loss of intelligence, really short life span. Pro: Get to run around in wheels and balls and tubes all day) and then warned my mom that night not to be surprised if I was a gerbil in the morning.

Yeah, things were special in Baby Pike World.

The Showdown to End All Showdowns.

So I was browsing this site of awesome fictional matchups and discovered something amazing.

Doc Brown and Sherlock Holmes vs. Carmen Sandiego.

So as I was thinking about how fantastically epic this would be, @kordwar decided to one up it:

Doc Brown and Sherlock Holmes vs. Carmen Sandiego and Professor Moriarty.

Doc Brown and Sherlock Holmes vs. Carmen Sandiego and Professor Moriarty.

…guys. I can’t hear your comments over the sound of the EPIC.

Why I Should Not Be Allowed to Write

So earlier this week I was thinking, man, I am a Writing-Idea Machine. I have so much to write about. So many ideas. I came up with this crazy plot to participate in NaNoWriMo every year for the rest of my life, because I obviously have 65 books inside of me just waiting to get out. No problem. Right?

So then of course I spend all morning trying to figure out what to blog about.

Face, meet palm.

Anyways, then I thought, I should tell you about some of the crazy crap I used to write about when I was a kid. Cause I wrote a lot back then, too.

1.) Cute Cartoon Bunnies Get Stabbed. I have no idea where this one came from. I made little picture books in spiral bound notebooks, and I had these two recurring rabbit characters named Billy and Mookie. They actually lived in a pretty clever little house filled with cute monsters that provided most of their “technology”. For example, they had a little monster that sat on their windowsill and held up a screen to block out the sun, and when they wanted to open the window they’d pull on his tail and he’d set the screen down.

So obviously one of the picture books involved one bunny coming home to find the other bunny laying on the floor with a dagger in his heart.

Yeah I dunno where I was going with that one.

2.) Cute Cartoon Bunnies Go to Jail: Another time they went to jail. They were innocent, but I guess the justice system in their world isn’t exactly all its cracked up to be.

3.) “The Friendly Candidates”: Back in the days of Clinton/Bush/Perot the TV was nothing but an endless stream of smear tactics. Leave it to me to write a book where U.S. presidential candidates actually liked each other and gave each other encouragement. Ahh, cute lil’ optimistic me.

4.) “Gerbil Adventures”: Gerbils go on crazy adventures throughout the house. These stories actually weren’t too bad.

5.) “My Life”: When I was about eight or ten years old I wrote a fictional autobiography for school. Apparently when I was 8 I thought I was going to grow up to be a vet and also have like, 10 kids. (Mostly because I had fun giving them all interesting names.)

6.) Thomas the Tank Engine Fan Fiction: Yup.

7.) Anthropomorphic Toys: Guys, you have no idea how much I wrote about my toys. See, I managed to convince myself that my toys would come to life when I left the room, Toy Story style (although this was years before Toy Story… I blame the Muppets’ “The Christmas Toy”.) So I gave them all sorts of adventures. First in short stories, and later in two full length novels. Did I mention that I was like… 18 by that point? Who me, Peter Pan?

(If you are, for some bizarre reason, interested in hearing more about said novels, I once rambled about them rather in depth over at my LJ.)

8.) The Tortoise Wins the Race, the Hare Sues Because of Emotional Damage: When I was a freshman in high school one of our assignments was to re-write a fable or fairy tail in a satirical way. I redid the Tortoise and the Hare in a way that I still think was pretty clever, but NO ONE in my class “got it”. Stupid muggles.

9.) Ender’s Game Excerpts Rewritten With the Characters As Furries: I want to say Ender was a squirrel but I can’t remember. P.S. I’m in ur library, ruining ur sci-fi

10.) Yoshi’s Island Novelization: The best part was the super long prologue that went into hilarious unnecessary detail regarding Yoshi culture. (Was possibly influenced by the official “Gremlins” novelization, which went into hilarious unnecessary detail regarding Mogwai culture.)

…ya know, on second thought, maybe we should keep me far away from writing.

A Week Without You…

I am juuuuust about to leave on a Big Road Trip which will have me out-of-state for a while. As such, don’t expect any updates on either blog until next Monday at the earliest.

In the meantime, have a semi-related video that I made sometime last year:

Planes, Trains, and Automobiles. And! Robot suits.

I don’t know if I have ever mentioned this anywhere but I have this massive infatuation with most types of modern transportation. And I’m not even sure why.

FLYING! I love flying. Airplanes are like the greatest thing. I’m that person who insists on the window seat, uses up every exposure on her camera within ten minutes of takeoff, and generally geeks out over the entire process. Last time I flew it was probably comical; twentysomething me bouncing around in the seat, in stark contrast to the six year old kid next to me who spent the entire flight quietly reading a novel. I dunno, maybe it’d be different if I had to fly everywhere as part of business trips all the time and I was jaded, but I don’t actually fly very often so I get to geek out over it, thank you very much.

CARS. I love cars. And not so much in the whole sup dawg, pimp-my-ride kind of way either. No, my love of cars is more abstract. I love cars because I love driving and I love driving because unless I win the lottery, it’s the closest I’ll ever get to flying my own plane.

AC on, music cranked to 11, cruisin’ down the freeway. One With My Machine. I don’t care, I’m still free, you can’t take my road from me. That’s what I’m talking about.

Now this little love affair of mine tends to put me at odds with the increasingly common zeitgeist that I should be carpooling or biking or something. Putting aside the fact that I hate bikes for various reasons (Hyperbole and a Half is pretty spot on here), or that carpooling is out because I get nervous when other people are in My Car (perhaps because then I can’t get away with squeakily belting out Poker Face)… I understand the sentiment behind said zeitgeist. But it’s hard for me to get into it when I am so very in love with my 2002 Toyota Corolla which allows me to be blissfully free for ten minutes a day.

See, I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: I’m fine with tree-hugging, so long as I can do it in a specially constructed tree-hugging robot suit with all the extra bells and whistles and lasers and jetpacks.

Basically my idea of the future is nature and fuzzy animals living in harmony with robot suits and lots and lots of mechanical bunnies.

I like my idea of the future.

Also, lemme know if you find any tree-hugging robot suits laying around that are in need of a good home.

Top Three Things I Am Addicted To At The Moment


The other day I bought a 12-pack of string cheese, my reasoning being that it would give me a couple weeks’ worth of snacks. Yeah, three days later I’m down to… one, I think? This isn’t counting the string cheese I buy with my lunch every day at work.

I don’t know, they’re just so stringable and munchable and have I mentioned that I love mozzarella? Mozzarella and provolone are my two cheese loves. (Oh wait, did I forget Colby Jack? Let’s throw that in there too.)


I dunno, I just go through about five of them a day. (Mints, not entire tins. Yeah, I’m not quite that addicted.) As an aside, does anyone else remember when these were The Big Cool Thing in middle school? Or was that just my school being weird?

There are apparently fruit-flavored Altoids, also, which makes me wonder if their slogan is “Curiously Fruity”. Mostly because I crack up just thinking about it.



So I was late to the Lady Gaga party but fortunately this has been remedied. Now, a little thing about me: I tend to binge when it comes to music. I’m not one of those “Load up the whole playlist and hit shuffle” people… rather, I get into something (or, frequently, rediscover something) and listen to it until most peoples’ ears would bleed. A couple weeks ago it was U2… lately it’s Poker Face on repeat. Oh, and Sonic the Hedgehog fans: This cannot be unheard.

This completely pointless blog post has been brought to you by Clockwork Hare Inc.!