Okay guys, sit down and I’m going to tell you a story.

Once upon a time, there was a girl who was in loooooooove with Ocarina of Time. She played it for hours and hours on end, interrupting it only to watch Dragon Ball Z on Cartoon Network. She played it a lot and beat it a lot and she knew where all the skulltulas and heart pieces were and she thought Adult Link was pretty cute and she dearly wished there would just be MORE of that game.

And then one day, a couple years later:

WHAT? WHAT IS THIS? OMG. I MUST HAVE IT.

My dad rented it from Blockbuster for me. And so I sat down to play it.

For those three days that we had that game, my mind was blown with sheer AMAZING. It was everything that made Ocarina of Time great, minus Adult Link (QQ) but plus a lot of super interesting and fun game mechanics and fantastic music.

The only problem was that we’d rented it, not bought it. Link wasn’t the only one with three days. I was, too. And unlike Link, I couldn’t go back and redo it if I wanted to.

The game went back to Blockbuster. For about a week I was depressed as heck. I moped around the house and tried to distract myself by playing Jet Force Gemini. Which was a pretty fantastic game, but it just wasn’t the same.

Somehow, I have never gotten around to finding the game and picking up where I left off. So it’s a sad truth: I have never finished Majora’s Mask.

I’m not lying when I say it’s one of my biggest regrets. Curse you, Blockbuster. Someday I’ll be able to take all of my consoles out of storage and then I can find the game and then I will finish it. That day will be happy.

A conversion of Doom starring anthropormorphic pieces of cereal.

It came in boxes of cereal.

That is all.

And you just nostalgia’d.

I’m doing three games today, and this is why.

TOP GEAR:

This song.

TOP GEAR 2:

“You might be missing some of the benefits that stereo can provide” in 16-bit glory.

TOP GEAR 3000:

I have never forgotten any of this music in the ~18 years since I first played these games. Seriously.

Music aside, the games themselves were generic racing games, except that they were solid enough that I played the heck out of them and I honestly think they were among the finest racing games of the 16bit era. The first two had you racing through different countries, the last one had you racing on different “planets” that actually all pretty much looked like Earth, but it allowed the game to throw in some extra sci-fi-esque touches to your car.

All of the games followed a similar format, allowing you to customize your car and, as you won more races, make it more powerful by upgrading to the upgrades of your choice. Simple formula. AWESOME execution. Big props to the developers.

It’s hard to top Super Mario RPG. Like, really hard. Like, “There’s a reason why it’s Pike’s Favorite Game of All Time” hard.

But you know, Superstar Saga was far from a bad effort.

It’s actually been years since I’ve played this game, but off the top of my head, let me tell you what made this game so enchanting:

1.) Nods to classic Mario. At one point you are thrust into a minigame that is a variation on the original Super Mario Bros. Neat, no? But not content with stopping there, the game throws in one of my favorite renditions of an homage ever. You know how in World 1-2 of SMB, you can get to the top of the level and reach the warp pipes at the end?

Yeah. You can do that in the Superstar Saga homage level. I think you get some sort of bonus item. I can’t remember. All I know is that it made my day.

2.) Geno. The Greatest Video Game Character of All Time has appeared in exactly two games. Super Mario RPG… and Superstar Saga. Granted, it was a cameo. But I didn’t see it coming and I sort of flailed around in fangirl glee for a long time.

3.) Fawful. In the running with GLaDoS for my personal designation of “Most Hilarious VG Villain of All Time”. Choice Fawful quotes include, but are not limited to, the following:

“I HAVE FURY!”

“Princess Peach’s sweet voice will soon be the bread that makes the sandwich of Cackletta’s desires! And this battle shall be the delicious mustard on that bread! The mustard of your doom!”

“Your lives that I spit on are now but a caricature of a cartoon drawn by a kid who is stupid!”

“Rage dressing on a salad of evil!”

I mean, really. You can’t top that. “Rage dressing on a salad of evil”? Sign me up, please.

I also seem to remember this video game having above-average play value and some pretty addictive mini-games but as I said, it’s been too long.

I do need to look into this game again, though. It’s no Super Mario RPG, but dude. FAWFUL.

Come on, some of you out there remember this, right? Riiiight?

This game worked as so: you collect Pokemon cards, travel around the world, and play the card game with people. Sure, the premise is ridiculous, but the premise for this sort of game doesn’t really matter, because the point is to be able to make virtual decks and play virtual cards.

I rocked at this game, by the way. My “Bulbasaur Rainforest” deck was basically a guaranteed victory as soon as I pulled out Gyrados.

As per usual with the games I post, the music is awesome. Have two songs that are made of win:

First, the Club Master Duel theme, which is some of the most epic sounding music you will ever hear come out of a Game Boy speaker:

…and second, the Imakuni theme, which is weird and which you will probably hate until it grows on you and you start humming it at inopportune moments:

Back when I was into playing around with MIDIs I orchestrated this and called it “Imakuni’s Theme: (Pikestaff’s Version)” and made it my theme song because I totally snatch things like that.

No, seriously, I did.

Anyways, music aside, this game was seriously fun and I would buy a remake. Yep. Not even kidding.

<3

There’s one in every family. You know, like Star Trek V, or Batman & Robin. Yup, every series has got That One Thing.

Super Mario Bros. 2 is Mario’s That One Thing.

…fortunately Mr. Freeze isn’t in Super Mario Bros. 2.

And fortunately, Super Mario Bros 2 is AWESOME.

See, this wasn’t originally a Mario game. Nintendo just took the original game, named Doki Doki Panic, and conveniently gave it Mario sprites. The result is this crazy game that involves magic potions that take you to alternate phases, hurling vegetables around, bird face doors, and Warp Vases instead of Warp Pipes.

But somehow, if you mix all of this up in a blender and serve chilled, it all comes out amazingly. This game is redonkulously fun.

Also, you can be Toad. And we all know that Toad is basically the best Mario character, besides Yoshi or the talking stopwatch in Diddy Kong Racing.

There’s really not much else to say about this game; the gameplay is pretty straightforward. It’s just different. But different is good when it’s still solid, and this game is.

Also: Birdo. Enough said.

Admit it, guys. If you’re about my age, you have to admit it: As much as we love to make fun of Star Wars Episode I today, back in the day when we were kids we totally ate it up.

I did.

I think I had a Jar Jar Binks plushie.

Of course, if you’re like me, you also thought that the podracing scene was the best part of the movie by far, because crazy homebrew vehicles > wimpy lightsabers any day.

…well, now that I’ve got every nerd in the universe out to destroy me, let’s move on to the Nintendo 64 game that this spawned: Star Wars Episode I Racer.

I gotta say; this was one of the better racing games I played. The tracks were challenging (some of the later ones were very challenging) and the game really gives you a sense of speed that isn’t often matched.

Also driving through the canyon on Tatooine is fairly similar to driving down the highway in northern Idaho. True story.

One of my favorite parts of the game, though, is the sound design, because it was unintentionally hilarious. Examples include: your character saying things at the wrong time:

*podracer explodes*
Anakin: “It’s working. IT’S WORKING!”

…or characters saying the same line multiple times in a row.

Watto: “Have you seen… my chance cube? Have you seen… my chance cube? Have you seen… my chance cube?”

YES WATTO I THINK WE’VE SEEN YOUR CHANCE CUBE GOSH.

Seriously though, this game was good. Definitely one of the better racing games I’ve played, and probably the best thing that came out of Star Wars Episode I.

…well, except for those battle droids that say “Roger roger”. I liked those.